The state of the View

2017 was a year of personal growth for me.

At various points throughout the year, I found myself questioning why I was doing something that was not making me happy. Why was I trying so hard to foster a friendship that felt so one-sided? Why was I shopping at a store when their products didn’t appeal to me anymore? Why was I trying so hard to be accepted by a group of people when their interests were the polar opposite of mine?

Why was I wasting my time?

A few major events occurred this year that shook me to my core and strengthened my resolve to live a more authentic life.

Chris Cornell‘s death on May 18 was unexpected and heartbreaking. I didn’t become a fan of his until his work with Audioslave, but once I did I worked my way backward and understood why he was a such a well-respected artist. I mourned the loss of a good human being and the fact that I would never hear my favourite Audioslave song, Like a Stone, performed live. It was a harsh reminder that we never know how long we have with the special people in our life and we need to appreciate the time we have with them.

We were in London the night of the terrorist attack at London Bridge and Borough Market on June 3. Luckily my husband and I were in our hotel room at the time, but we had been in the exact same area the day before. It was a chilling feeling to know we were so close to tragedy, and yet a huge part of me felt so far removed from it because in my mind we were still in Canada just watching the events unfold on the BBC. I’m still surprised that I was unfazed and ready to continue sightseeing the day after. The event really didn’t hit me until we came home, and I’ve struggled with wanting to travel far from home ever since.

Then I lost my hero.

Chester Bennington, the lead singer of Linkin Park, passed away on July 20. I became a fan of Linkin Park just as I was finishing grade 12, and their music helped me through the years that followed as I transitioned into adult life. It was Chester’s voice, his raging scream, and his raw emotion that helped me feel like I wasn’t alone in the myriad of emotions I was experiencing at the time — Chester was with me. When he died, I felt gutted and abandoned. I still feel abandoned and find myself crying whenever I think of him. He helped me get through 17 years of my life and I was unsure how I was going to go on without him. I still can’t listen to any music by Linkin Park because hearing Chester’s voice hurts so much. As a way to sort of hold onto Chester forever, I got my first tattoo on August 4 of the six-sided Linkin Park logo behind my right ear (my right side is my dominant side). The placement behind my ear symbolizes how I became a fan through their music. The placement on my head symbolizes Chester’s struggle with mental illness.

Now he is always with me.

These three events helped steer me towards becoming my authentic self. I’ve felt like I’ve wasted a lot of my time with things I shouldn’t have so I have shifted my focus to doing more for me: I surround myself with people I like being with,  I do more of what I enjoy, and I’m getting better at putting myself first.

Which is why I’ve decided to push my blog to the side indefinitely.

Time and again I’m told I’m a talented writer, but other writers will tell you how awful it feels to write when you are completely uninspired — it’s soul crushing. Keeping up with a blog schedule and writing week after week while uninspired becomes more of a chore, and the more I did it the worse I felt. I don’t want to do that anymore. I may write something at some point in the future and feel it best to post it here, but I don’t know when that will be, if at all. I’m active on Twitter, so you can continue following me there if you’d like. I’m still iffy on how active my Instagram account will be in the future, but I do think I will close the Facebook page.

Thank you for reading my little blog for however long you have been. At the very least, I hope you learned a little bit more about me and my view of the world.

Kindest regards,

Jenn

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Just write something already!

It’s been a long time since my last blog post.

Now that I have acknowledged that, let’s move on, shall we?

On Saturday, I was suppose to attend a blogging workshop hosted by the Lethbridge chapter of Ladies Learning Code, but it was cancelled due to low registration. I’m a bit bummed because I was looking forward to learning some tips and tricks I could use for this space, but after reviewing the content that was going to be presented I realized I knew most of it anyway. I also thought attending the workshop would give me the kick in the butt I needed to start blogging again, perhaps by gaining confidence in my ability to do so.

Foolish, I know. But that was my reasoning.

Even though I didn’t attended the workshop, it looks like I’m back to blogging. Be warned… it might will be crappy at first, but I know I will get better the more I do it. I also know that I have people who believe that I am a good writer who will be cheering for me to continue.

These are the people you need to talk to with your pitchforks and  torches.

But my mom says I'm cool.

I completely forgot that it was Black Friday when I decided to grab lunch from the mall  on Friday. Before I continue, yes Facebook friends, I declared that I would participate in Buy Nothing Day, but I need food to live.

I generally hate shopping, but I hate Black Friday and Christmas shopping more so. The people, the line-ups, and the noise shoot my anxiety through the roof. Get in, get out is my motto. Unfortunately, the Booster Juice that day was feeling the pressure and I ended up with a chunkie instead of a smoothie. I didn’t bother telling the noticeably overwhelmed young man manning the blenders because I was already eyeing the exit.

Get me outta here

Finally, I neeeeeeeeeeed to talk about Gilmore Girls: A Day in the Life. If you’re tired of hearing about it or aren’t interested in what I have to say, this is your stop.

NO SPOILERS, PLEASE!

I didn’t start watching Gilmore Girls until 2014 when the the entire series was released on Netflix. I loved the mother-daughter relationship Lorelai and Rory had, I loved the quirky town and its residents, and I anxiously waited with each passing season for Luke and Lorelai to finally get together.

I wasn’t really excited about the revival until about a week before the four “seasons” were released. I knew there was going to be a lot of talk on the Internet about it —  possible spoilers, speculations, and the #lastfourwords — so before I went to bed Thursday night, I forced myself into a social media blackout to avoid being spoiled. I marathoned through all four episodes Friday night and finished a little after midnight. I laughed, I cried (using up four Kleenexes in the process), and at the end of it all, my gut felt hollow. It felt hollow because after hearing the last four words I knew no more episodes would be made to deal with them. But talk about a great jumping-off point for all of the Gilmore Girls fan fiction writers out there! (No, I’m not one of them.)

Your turn!

Did you brave the crowds on Black Friday or do you prefer doing your holiday shopping online like me? The past two years I’ve done most of my shopping on Amazon and I ain’t looking back!

If you watched Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life, what did you think of it? Was your guess correct on the last four words?